Momwithastethoscope's Weblog

October 14, 2008

Man Card

Filed under: helloween,lists,man card,Marriage,Parenthood,rules — momwithastethoscope @ 4:32 pm

It is time for the yearly stamping of the Man Card a.k.a Helloween weekend.  This is Husband’s annual beach trip with male counterparts seeking their own Man Card validation.  The rules to this venture are outlined below:

 

Helloween Rules

1.       Thou must discuss the event nonstop for six weeks prior to date – discussions may take place on social websites, e-mail, text, or with uninterested life partner

2.       Thou may not engage in sexual intercourse with life partner in the month of Feb as it may result in conception that would void Helloween for that year

3.       Thou must boast proudly to spouse regarding ability to pack efficiently

4.       Thou must consume large quantities of food that produce large amounts of flatus during the weekend – ie beer and chili

5.       Thou must not shave during weekend or take care of other hygiene related tasks

6.       Thou must carry evidence of bodily harm home after Helloween weekend – bruises, dark circles under the eyes fulfill criteria, partial liver failure also fulfills criteria

7.       Thou must attempt to make Helloween longer each year than a 3 day weekend

8.       Thou must stay in crappiest location away from all other potential vacation destinations (with spouse)

9.       Thou must maintain wireless contact with the outside world at all times during the weekend

10.   Thou may ignore all forms of wireless contact with the outside world during the weekend

11.   Thou must bring your Man Card to be stamped and verified to all Helloween weekends

12.   Thou must live vicariously through single members of Helloween crew

Spouse Rules

1.  Thou must feel free to call or text Helloween spouse with regular (minute to minute if necessary) updates of children’s progress through the weekend

2. Thou shall purchase new pair of expensive shoes as compensation for spouse-less weekend

3.  Thou shall forget how to record or TiVo requested sporting event – College Football, NASCAR, baseball playoff

4.  Thou shall experience one minor house or car related catastrophe during Helloween weekend

5.  Thou shall not show Helloween spouse sympathy when spouse shows up hung-over, bruised, hungry, or tired

6.  Thou shall deposit responsibility of children on spouse as soon as he walks in the door.

7.  Thou shall plan own girls’weekend week preferably in advance of Helloween weekend and preferably out of the country

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